They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
