the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
