I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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