How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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