My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
