I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
