just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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