Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's the barista slut.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love you. Go after that dick
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