I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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