They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
