every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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