My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
