My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
