i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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