i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
