Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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