You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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