my being single is dangerous.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
