Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't notice because vodka
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
