he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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