Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
