Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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