We're facebook friends in real life
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
