It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
