please come you make the beer taste better
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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