What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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