i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
