i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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