I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Someone came in the potted fern
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
