I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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