Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize