He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so let's talk penis.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
