So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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