It's a beautiful day for a hangover
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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