Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
