Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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