Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
