thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
