Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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