just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
