i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
