I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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