I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
