I think I just saw someone hide a body.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
