He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
