I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
