12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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