Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
