There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm at about main and main street
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize