Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
