just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
