he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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