love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
