i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
