You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
