yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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