I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
