This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize