i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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