The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
