definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
