My nipple is on Facebook.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
3pm strippers are depressing
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
