Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
