You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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