Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
do nipples grow back?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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