If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
