# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
