I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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