You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize