You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize