The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
